Inertia

Inertia

sky hurdling into a vast sky needing all the things which evoke the passion of being burnt to pieces with an orgasimc high, i stand here at the crossroads of my life thinking what all it has taken for me to realise my destiny. maybe i had to play with fire and get burned , this is my nature and i think i cant change it. i dont even want to change it , it is my essence, it is my life and sometimes you like those anomalies because they have the fire power to carry you far far into those unexplored territories of your being. it can be like that massive air current which has just now carried the glider miles ahead in matter of minutes after a long bout of inactivity.

the beauty of all this is the oscillitation of being into the territory of pain and pleasure, of extremes of all types, of things which reveal themselves as a result of this huge storm, which are new, pristine which have the power to make you feel like human , more than human and perhaps take you beyond your realms of your own definations for things which have stood tall and high for time and long which fall in the face of this catharsis and what stands in beautiful clear plain , ready to be built again, something new.

this inertia can be like those bone ratteling stroms which come with no warning and are over with as much annonimity yet those seconds have a huge bearing on the scheme of things for rest of your life.

On the 15th day of February

15/02/08
what dwells in this abyss is a feeling not worth of being
yet it entails the horror of seeing
the putrefied self and the hell of the monsterous dwell,
it makes one embrace hate
and decides the trembling fate,
of that feeling perched high and above,
the sylvian contours and musical moors
of how i can kill it with one slash , it amazes me
and can i let it die
should it fazes me ??
kill is not the will of this heart,
and it will not in any sense depart
from the feelings which incite all these things
which are not worth of being.
as for the world it will be what is it .. all i can do is make this feeling strong
that feeling which says killing of any sort is wrong.

On touching death and back

2/3/8
on touching death and back

risk is not everyone's cup of tea, often a times it becomes a sort of true litmus test for human beings. there are very few who can risk. there are even fewer who risk for the sake of risking. risk makes one think of the things which can be done when when life is still, more beautifully, as it gives credence to stillness and acts as a sort of a preference point for it.

its with me too that this whole act of risk comes forth in a rather pronounced way.
to tell you the truth my whole life is a risk as till now. from not being educated in a system, for crossing roads like its a videogame, from cycling for miles on busy roads. risk moves my faculties i can safely say, apart from other things as well.


i will try to elucidate on what is it that is exactly that i like, i will attempt to point out the areas where i might find my answers, but mind you never the answers as answers are shooting stars, once they are there the other time they are not.

i like the fact that in all these acts i am physically closer to Death. it gives me a strange high, maybe its high of being in control of my own life and destiny ?? yet it can be an illusion because anything might happen.

its like crossing a busy road, .. the traffic is thick and fast, and you stand gaugeing the road , looking for one chink in the armour and there you see .. some distance ahead, there is a little gap which is coming your way ....
now that is the moment ..and its fast

your eyes see and brain assesses, if its a 4 lane road or 3 lane road will the road be empty at the point of crossing for that brief a second .. now that is an art ... but what is really bigger than that is acting on it .. which means your are giving credence to that finding of your brain unto your life. it means what your brain and eyes have spent doing in those 2 or 3 seconds who are ready to take action and so sure you are about your findings that you can even risk your life for it .

(it holds true even when i am cycling)

now cant it be foolhardiness too ??
what is foolhardiness anyway ? there is a definate distinction between risk and foolhardiness, though not of a degree but type . both are essentially the same things yet both the things are differenciated by one thing,.... thought.

risk involves assessment, of thinking all the things which can be thought about, foolhardiness on the other hand is bereft of thinking in general.
and jazz is when you have an amalgamation of both, those are the true moments of being, because you dont know the scheme of things which unravel in this impromptou revealings.


its about death, of seeing and respecting it from close quarters. it often feels like a strange sort of feeling, of knowing your death should you cross your line. everyone of us encounters this thing but most of them are oblivious to it, and they take it for granted. our senses most of the times tell us covertly about things which might harm us. very few people act otherwise of acknowledging that feeling and acting against it but in consultation with it. (senses)

different people risk in different manners, and its not to say mine is better than anyone or if other's way is not the right way. there s no right way .. but there s always a right feeling. the feeling which makes one feel like a human being, the feeling of triumph, the silence afterwards, it all about that.



its a search, for that beauty which renders heavens worthless

things i will write on on risk

of what transpires from the depths of the a human heart.