Contradictions and Dichotomies

What does a face entail that it can make one go to places which are glimpses of how beauty can make a man surrender his most senile of acts and challenge himself out its vapid meaning. Why can a face inspire and yet destroy at the same time ?? One can long for it but would not get it and only what one can do is to write. some faces are like that .. which have the thing in them to provoke that vein in oneself which is to be kept under wraps because if let loose, it really has to the power to annihilate the core of ones existence. Love.

It should be left like that .. the heart should be left wanting because if it is satisfied then it goes back to sluggishness. It is important that these faces are there, one should never know what is behind them , just know what lies with them and what are the thing which can move you in turn , I see this girl and i realize I can write about her and longing for her ,

She is beautiful, it seems like the whole world has ended in her eyes and her hair has the gleam of the starry night which is playing hide and seek with the drunk moon. her silhouette merges with the fading moon on the horizon in form of rapture which can lead a thousand hearts astray. such is beauty of a women, it can kill and at same time give life.

Last time I fell, I wrecked myself beyond the measures of sanity and the concussions are still there . This time if I fall, I know the end is near. but end in the truest terms is not that which can die but that which cannot live happily. What one wants, one does not get; would create things which are best described as melancholy which will, true, give a lot of flame but at the same time the candle will burn that much quicker. Longing will create best of art but it will create worst of life. she, her beauty is that edge, that sword which can kill as swiftly as it blesses.

Wanting to get inspired from things which can be in real sense of the word be ugly can be quite a contradictory thing in itself. But as humans that is our biggest weakness as well as strength. Weakness because its obvious, strength because it tries to fascade over the impermanence of things which are there. Nothing lasts forever and the pursuit of happiness is quite short sighted than the most of the profound questions which the general population blinds itself from.

When it comes down to it, everyone wants to be happy but it is our definition of happiness that established the circumstances which are necessary for oneself to be happy, this is tricky, but this is human too. At the end beauty is that compromise of contradictions and dichotomies which in turn tell us of our impermanence as well our own way of triumphing it .

On the act of Creation

An act of Creation

Of all things which permeate my life , it will be essentially the act of creating which will be my be all and end all. It will be the fabric of my constitution.

Creation. this word has a strange aura to it. It means something far more than anything, or any word. What this word signifies is the essence of humanity. True there are a lot of words which hold a great degree of importance but it is in this word that there seems something which is rather brought into being. Its existence is fathomed. All the things around us have been created at some point in time or the other.

What will i create ?? Anything and everything, anything which my heart desires and everything which my mind can conceptualize, it can be anything , absolutely anything.
from writing a sonnet to building an aircraft. anything, it can take me to the realms of science or the labyrinths of culture.

What is it ?? As my part of being what I am able to be .. I have pondered upon a lot of things, in the process questioning ideals and ethics of the people and with the same precision and ferociousness dissecting my ideals and ethic too.

Its rather a tedious process of finding those leanings inside anyone, of finding that spark, that fulcrum, its like finding a point that precise point on a big rock, where, one hit, splits it into two. Not only you have to know where to hit but also how to hit.

Hence before going into this inquiry, it d be pertinent if I talk about my tools, and how I use them. Mostly I start with myself, and start with not what I like, but what I do not like. Then
I see and base them with certain universal necessities. Also sometimes I formulate things at the spur of the moment which have always had a structure which corresponds to my being. Its mostly imagining what can be the possiblity.

At times its incubation of ideas or to the same extent of questions which then produce an idea. But most of the times its curiosity, a high for knowing things unknown. it might not necessarily has to be something very very new, something as old can also be congruent to one's desire for unknown.

I will not discuss what i don't like because it will involve giving importance to things which really do not warrant such attention as I realize what I dislike are not non-living things but living things, their traits and deviances. I do not, dislike an object, but that thought process that made it. Mostly I deal with thought processes and that spells my battlefield. Suffice it is to end it here.

There is one more thing which I can talk about ,.. about myself.
Change
To able to put something like this in its correct perspective, it would be perhaps, in a decent sense, that I put it's stimulus, of how I view it, along with it.(change)
I ll start with people, society, and its dictates.
People tell me all the time, you are not consistent with what you do, you do it well about after a time, you seem to lose your drive(slow down, wary) and go on to something else, well, thats how people see it, but i see it to be a beautiful thing, and what their understanding does escape the fact that I am consistent in my inconsistencies.

When i come to think about it, its alchemy.

Change .. is the essence of things. It is the most important thing, atleast, where we humans are concerned. Nothing has remained still since the time you were born, till the time you die. Its still a beautiful thing to be still, and I would not deny it, its glory. That comes under the part of how to act. Sometimes the clam of seas have the most annihilating of storms beneath it.

So I am changing but still at the same time, I have a log of my changes in my mental as well as my motor.
This is change for me and the most simple way I can elucidate on its intent is that I love life. I love it and I cant possible thank whomsoever I have to thank much, to have been bestowed upon this blessing.

My way is something only few can try, hell, in all the centuries which have come, and all the centuries which will go, humanity will progress, man will be a better animal, but this will stay, not because the other is bad, but because just the other is always bad.
I cannot also rob the fact that man's ability to work like ants, endlessly and tirelessly one by one, like a cog in a machine, of its glory. Clearly its something which made it possible as I type this thing on a machine, and storing it on something virtual, like this web mail(and its growing all the time.. any guesses ??) ;-)

In todays world, it would be wrong to say or to talk about individuals or collective, of what their ramifications and limitations atleast with the animosity which entailed them simply because today its not at all related to the just an individual or the collective. There are somethings which collective can do really really amazingly and somethings only the individual can do. to shortcharge one at the cost of other is simply bad understanding which produces unnecessary conflict. also we have to be better individuals, we ll become better collective automatically.

Coming back to me ... as you must ve noticed this .. the whole debate of individual vs collective is also one of my certain stimulus. and its because of primarily this debate that my foundation came into existence though at that time i synonymied the collective with system. I was in school and its where I came close to the inadequecies of working in a group. later
I also read Ayn Rand ( towards the later part of my senior high)


to be continued)

On Media

Man is an empirical being, it recieves information, processes it and then produces an output. The soundness of his judgment or actions in directly propotional to the amount of information or knowledge he has.

Adding to this, man has always been of an inquistive nature, wanting to know more about everything there is to know because knowling would help him in taking control of the situation. Prerogative to know is not only a cloth for man's insecurity but also a magnifisicant gown which makes him the king of his own life. This need to know has been a major driving force in man's advancements but what has been the real catylist is the need to share; because knowledge confined to one benifits only one but if shared benefits many. Moreever when shared, it never decreases but only increases.

Judiciary, legislature and executive were the 3 tennets on which the base of the ancient civilization rested. As man progressed from one era to another, with the acquisition of more knowledge, science was given birth, to be precise rebirth.

Armed with science man would conquer lands physically as well as mentally. Suddenly the world would become a smaller place. Science would give birth to numerous ways of connection. Now the knowledge wouldnt confine itself only to print ie books and manuscripts, but also other new new forms , thus having its electronic manifestation. Finally it would seem that all the action in the world would now unfold at his doorsteps.

Sharing of information during the bygone times was a prerogative of a few, confining itself to powerful and elite. Moveever, the people had not discovered the world itself. Hence there was little interaction between the various information reservoirs of the world. Science's son technology would build pipes through which now the information would flow effectively and economically from one part of the globe to another; this is matter of few seconds, a far leap from those days of endless months at seas.

Soon people would come to know what is happening at the other side of the world without leaving their own houses. Newspaper would give way to radio, only to be eaten up by televison; both the fishes unaware if a bigger fish, the internet.

Sharing of this information namely perspective, tradations, happenings would have profound macro and micro effects on nations as well as individuals. While individuals would have the ideals of fair skin (fair n lovely), the nations would have their critiques on Iraq war. Hence, this state of increased mobility of information would give rise to a new estate, that which would be a progeny of modern age and a prerequisitie for a neo-modern age. Judiciary, legislature, executive, the 3 estates would belong to the authority, the 4 estate would belong to the masses. Furthermore, this 4th estate would be a medium through which the masses would keep a check on the authority, thus giving way to a better governance and ultimately at a micro level, a better quality of individual life. Hence now the civilization would rest on 4 tennets, this 4th tennet or estate wpuld be to the world, what eyes are to a human body. This medium or the 4th estate would be aptly called MEDIA.

M. Shaahkar Siddiquee

Inertia

Inertia

sky hurdling into a vast sky needing all the things which evoke the passion of being burnt to pieces with an orgasimc high, i stand here at the crossroads of my life thinking what all it has taken for me to realise my destiny. maybe i had to play with fire and get burned , this is my nature and i think i cant change it. i dont even want to change it , it is my essence, it is my life and sometimes you like those anomalies because they have the fire power to carry you far far into those unexplored territories of your being. it can be like that massive air current which has just now carried the glider miles ahead in matter of minutes after a long bout of inactivity.

the beauty of all this is the oscillitation of being into the territory of pain and pleasure, of extremes of all types, of things which reveal themselves as a result of this huge storm, which are new, pristine which have the power to make you feel like human , more than human and perhaps take you beyond your realms of your own definations for things which have stood tall and high for time and long which fall in the face of this catharsis and what stands in beautiful clear plain , ready to be built again, something new.

this inertia can be like those bone ratteling stroms which come with no warning and are over with as much annonimity yet those seconds have a huge bearing on the scheme of things for rest of your life.

On the 15th day of February

15/02/08
what dwells in this abyss is a feeling not worth of being
yet it entails the horror of seeing
the putrefied self and the hell of the monsterous dwell,
it makes one embrace hate
and decides the trembling fate,
of that feeling perched high and above,
the sylvian contours and musical moors
of how i can kill it with one slash , it amazes me
and can i let it die
should it fazes me ??
kill is not the will of this heart,
and it will not in any sense depart
from the feelings which incite all these things
which are not worth of being.
as for the world it will be what is it .. all i can do is make this feeling strong
that feeling which says killing of any sort is wrong.

On touching death and back

2/3/8
on touching death and back

risk is not everyone's cup of tea, often a times it becomes a sort of true litmus test for human beings. there are very few who can risk. there are even fewer who risk for the sake of risking. risk makes one think of the things which can be done when when life is still, more beautifully, as it gives credence to stillness and acts as a sort of a preference point for it.

its with me too that this whole act of risk comes forth in a rather pronounced way.
to tell you the truth my whole life is a risk as till now. from not being educated in a system, for crossing roads like its a videogame, from cycling for miles on busy roads. risk moves my faculties i can safely say, apart from other things as well.


i will try to elucidate on what is it that is exactly that i like, i will attempt to point out the areas where i might find my answers, but mind you never the answers as answers are shooting stars, once they are there the other time they are not.

i like the fact that in all these acts i am physically closer to Death. it gives me a strange high, maybe its high of being in control of my own life and destiny ?? yet it can be an illusion because anything might happen.

its like crossing a busy road, .. the traffic is thick and fast, and you stand gaugeing the road , looking for one chink in the armour and there you see .. some distance ahead, there is a little gap which is coming your way ....
now that is the moment ..and its fast

your eyes see and brain assesses, if its a 4 lane road or 3 lane road will the road be empty at the point of crossing for that brief a second .. now that is an art ... but what is really bigger than that is acting on it .. which means your are giving credence to that finding of your brain unto your life. it means what your brain and eyes have spent doing in those 2 or 3 seconds who are ready to take action and so sure you are about your findings that you can even risk your life for it .

(it holds true even when i am cycling)

now cant it be foolhardiness too ??
what is foolhardiness anyway ? there is a definate distinction between risk and foolhardiness, though not of a degree but type . both are essentially the same things yet both the things are differenciated by one thing,.... thought.

risk involves assessment, of thinking all the things which can be thought about, foolhardiness on the other hand is bereft of thinking in general.
and jazz is when you have an amalgamation of both, those are the true moments of being, because you dont know the scheme of things which unravel in this impromptou revealings.


its about death, of seeing and respecting it from close quarters. it often feels like a strange sort of feeling, of knowing your death should you cross your line. everyone of us encounters this thing but most of them are oblivious to it, and they take it for granted. our senses most of the times tell us covertly about things which might harm us. very few people act otherwise of acknowledging that feeling and acting against it but in consultation with it. (senses)

different people risk in different manners, and its not to say mine is better than anyone or if other's way is not the right way. there s no right way .. but there s always a right feeling. the feeling which makes one feel like a human being, the feeling of triumph, the silence afterwards, it all about that.



its a search, for that beauty which renders heavens worthless

things i will write on on risk

of what transpires from the depths of the a human heart.